I’ve decided to move to runningonwords.wordpress.com. Turns out I just didn’t love blogging here. Thanks!
I found out yesterday that a close family friend passed away from uterine cancer. She was 63 and had been sick for a long time. My stepmother informed me earlier in the week that Sue was in home hospice and not expected to live longer than another month. I, of course, procrastinated buying a card because really, what the heck do you write in a card to someone in hospice. ”Sorry your luck sucks” or maybe “I hope your death is fast and painless.” I have a seriously bad habit of putting off things that make me uncomfortable, so of course I never got the card in the mail and now it’s too late.
Sue was an artist. She painted new age soul mandalas (I think that’s what she called them). Every painting was different and based on the person it was for. She also made the stained glass window at the Unitarian church she helped form.
I find myself filled with regret for not talking to her more the last time I saw her, not calling, not visiting, and not sending that stupid card. She seemed fine at Christmas and she’d been diagnosed with cancer so long ago that I had all but forgotten about it. I had these same feelings after my grandmother died in 2005 because I had meant to call her the day she died. I think it’s time to start treating people like every time could be the last time I will see them. As in, treat them so they know I care and tell them how important they are.
What do you think, internet? How do you cope with hard life events?
They hate each other…supposedly.
So I recently had a conversation with my friend and co-worker, H, who is from Taiwan about the subject of divorce. She was expressing surprise at how casual people our age are about marrying people that might not be perfect. In Taiwan, divorce is something very shameful (at least according to H), which doesn’t really seem to be the case in the US.
My parents were very unhappily married for as long as I can remember. When I was 11 they finally divorced and my sister and I were both relieved. There was no hidden longing for them to work it out or hope that their marriage could be saved, although I felt obligated to pretend that I wanted them to get back together because that’s what people wanted to hear. I have never once questioned if they made a mistake getting divorced and I don’t think it’s something they regret (they are both happily remarried).
I know at least one person my age who is divorced and another who is strongly considering leaving her husband. Is that something that would have happened 20 years ago? 50? Why have our attitudes changed so much? K, always the lawyer, says it’s because the no-fault divorce was granted in 1970, thus we no longer need a “good” reason to end a marriage. Has it become too easy for us to get divorced or is the real problem that people are getting married thinking that divorce is always an option?
I’m not saying divorce is always wrong or bad or that people who chose to get divorced are bad people. They aren’t and divorce isn’t necessarily something people should be ashamed of. I guess I just don’t really know what to think.
What do you think? Would you consider a divorce? Is it something you would be ashamed of?
I should probably mention that I am happily married and have no intentions of getting divorced. It’s just been on my mind because of my friend’s potential separation.
I spent six years in undergrad (yes, six). When I was a year out from graduation I realized I had to actually do something with my Biology degree. Med school was out thanks to the horrors of organic chemistry, so I figured I might as well apply to PhD programs in physiology. Because, really, what did I have to lose? Besides of course my dignity, sanity, and self respect. I picked out a bunch of schools based on where my then fiance (now husband), K, had applied and got my letters of recommendation sent out. The only problem was I forgot to write a personal statement until right before the deadline. I do not advise writing a personal statement in 20 minutes in the airport right before Christmas. Also, waiting until the last minute means overnighting huge packets to school costing lots of money.
Anyways, the point of all that rambling is that I somehow found myself in a PhD program at Really Big Midwestern University (RBMU) a month after finally graduating from college (and a month before getting married). We were given one year to find a lab that would fund our education, which we did by rotating through various labs. Somehow I found myself in a cardiovascular physiology lab that specialized in microscopy.
Basically, I take pictures of live, beating heart cells to look at how they contract and relax on a sub-cellular level. We also look at various models of heart disease and try to figure out how the normal stuff has gone wrong (yes, stuff is obviously the technical term). It’s complicated, but if people are actually interested, I can explain more at some point.
Anyways, that’s a long, boring way of saying that my life is mostly consumed by science. I’m ABD (all but dissertation) and hoping to graduate within two years. Don’t ask me what I’ll do after graduating, because just like college, I have no idea!
What do you do for a living? Did you also get there by accident?
I’m a PhD student at a Big 10 university.
As part of my PhD, I use confocal microscopy, which has inspired a love of imaging.
I’ve been married for 2.5 years to K, a law student.
K and I have 2 puggles and 1 cat.
I love science, technology, and reading.